Crucial conversations style under stress inventory

We all know networking is important, but we don’t always prioritize it. Yet we should! The strongest personal brands have rich and diverse networks. I reached out to Michael Melcher, the author of the upcoming book Your Invisible Network: How to Create, Maintain, and Leverage the Relationships That Will Transform Your Career to inspire us to give networking the attention it deserves.

William Arruda: There are lots of books on networking and relationship building. Why did you write this one, and what makes it different?

Michael Melcher : People “kind of“ know the value of relationships. But they get stuck because relationship building has a lot of nuance and can be quite complex. How do you reach out to someone you haven’t kept up with? When you ask, should you be direct or indirect? What if reciprocity seems impossible, such as when the other person is more senior or more powerful than you? How exactly are you supposed to find these mythical “sponsors” who can help you leapfrog ahead? I wanted to provide a coherent framework and set of tools that can help people move forward.

Second, a lot of networking books seem to be written by extremely extroverted, upbeat people whose message is, “Be like me.” But you’re not going to become another person. I wanted to provide a guide for being effective without thinking you have to change your personality first.

Third, for people who come to their careers as outsiders or first generation, relationships are the primary way to leapfrog ahead. Very few people realize that social capital is something you can build even if you come from very limited (or zero) financial capital. I wanted to lay out exactly how this works.

Arruda: How is relationship building different in the new world of hybrid work?

Melcher: A basic point of my book is how you move from “connections” to meaningful relationships with reciprocity and mutual understanding. In hybrid and distributed work environments, you just aren’t going to bump into people in the hallways or easily stop by their offices. The planning required for virtual meetings squeezes out a lot of random but extremely important interactions. Therefore, when you are virtual, you need to identify ways to connect more broadly and deeply, since it won’t happen by itself. And if you are in the “live” contingent, you need to find ways to connect with colleagues who might seem “invisible” to you but who really aren’t.

Arruda: What’s the biggest mistake people make when building and nurturing relationships, and how can we avoid it?

Melcher: The biggest mistake people make is that they over-qualify. They try to predict whether meeting any given person will be valuable, and they try to predict whether any given conversation will be useful. But actually, you can’t predict any of this. Some of your most valuable relationships will be unforeseen, and many people who you think will be useful won’t be. Therefore, you need a balance between being strategic and being open to serendipity, and between having an agenda in conversations and being curious about where the conversation will actually end up.

Arruda: Although we all have the best intentions for staying connected to the people we meet, it’s challenging. What’s your advice for keeping relationships strong?

Melcher: Ping power. A ping is a message you send that doesn’t require a response. “Hey, I saw this article and thought you might like it.” “I passed our favorite coffee spot yesterday and thought of you.” “I hope you’re doing well. Here’s a new adorable pic of my twins.” When you send a ping, you are reminding the person you’re alive, reminding them that they like you, and sometimes sending along useful information—without giving them the stress of an expected response. Everyone has a big pile of to-do’s they haven’t done, and people love receiving positive messages that don’t require them to do anything.

Arruda: You say there are seven types of relationships we need to nurture to achieve our career and leadership potential. What are they?

Melcher: Weak ties. Bosses and senior stakeholders. Colleagues. Clients. Mentors/Sponsors. Beneficiaries. Friends.

Arruda: Most of those are self-explanatory, but can you tell us more about weak ties and beneficiaries?

Melcher: Weak ties are people you don’t know well, or who you once knew and with whom you’ve been out of touch. There is a ton of research about how much weak ties can benefit you. Beneficiaries are people you are helping, usually without being asked. One of the points in my book is that you can be a benefactor regardless of age or standing—you already know things that are useful to others, and when you share information, connections and resources, you empower yourself and create a good balance between asking and giving.

William Arruda is a keynote speaker , co-founder of CareerBlast.TV and co-creator of the Personal Brand Power Audit – a complimentary quiz that helps you measure the strength of personal brand.

Styles —PHOTOS BY KHALIL RAMOS

Toward the end of his performance of the pop-funk midtempo “Adore You,” Harry Styles stopped singing, turned his back to the crowd and danced as if no one was watching.

With a wailing guitar solo in the background, Harry twirled and sauntered down the runway, waving and blowing kisses every which way. And then, with a hand over his heart, he bowed down, as if in deference to the fans who helped him become the pop superstar that he is today.

After all, his ongoing series of concerts is dubbed, “Love on Tour.” And Harry made sure to express his gratitude and appreciation for the Filipino audience every chance he got—through words, gestures and music.

“Kumusta, Philippines? It’s an absolute pleasure to be here with you tonight. Thank you so so much for having us all. It has been five years since I was here last, so it has been a long time,” he told the packed crowd at the Philippine Arena last March 14. “Thank you for the warm welcome. Thank you to every single one of you.”

For one and a half hours, the British singer-songwriter made the cavernous venue feel more intimate—you could call it Harry’s House, if you will. And in this space, there were only a few simple rules: “To sing and dance” and “have as much fun as you possibly can.”

Harry’s “job,” on the other hand, was to give his “absolute best to entertain you.” He kept his end of the bargain.

The last time Harry visited the Philippines was in 2018 for his first self-titled maiden world tour. Back then, he was almost apologetic about the fact that he had only 10 original songs to his name. This time, he returned with a stronger, more comprehensive catalog—bolstered by his critically acclaimed third album, “Harry’s House,” which won album of the year at the recent Grammy Awards.

Revisiting old songs

While most of the songs in his 20-song set were culled from that album, Harry spiced things up with a sprinkling of well-loved tracks from his self-titled debut album and his second one, “Fine Line.” It was also refreshing to see that Harry—unlike other former boy band members who went solo—had no qualms revisiting material from his past career.

Sporting a sequined, gold and navy blue raglan shirt, he worked the stage with unbridled exuberance, racing around, pumping his fists and stomping his feet. Every so often, in more upbeat or hard-edged songs, like “Satellite” and “Music for a Sushi Restaurant,” Harry would lose himself in the music, dancing with his head up and arms outstretched.

He shimmied, tousled his hair and cast flirtatious glances at the feverish fans as he sang sultry midtempos, like “Cinema” and “Watermelon Sugar.” He ventured into the funky side of his discography with “Woman,” a track laced with sultry guitar licks and basslines.

Meanwhile, the bouncy beats of “Late Night Talking” and “As It Was” proved to be irresistible, prompting fans to get up from their seats, dance, sing along and let loose. And for a little kick of nostalgia, Harry delivered a rambunctious rendition of “What Makes You Beautiful,” one of the biggest hits of his former group, the 2010s pop phenom One Direction.

While his vocals were solid throughout the concert, Harry tended to shy away from the high notes by tweaking the melodies of some of the choruses and bridges. But perhaps it was only prudent that he avoided overworking his voice given the extent of his tour, which has been running since September 2021. There are 169 shows overall. And Harry has more than 30 to go.

Still, his earnest, slightly husky baritone shone in the quieter acoustic numbers, like the haunting “Little Freak” and “Matilda.” The latter is a composition that Harry holds dear to his heart, and his moving performance had not a few fans wiping away tears. He also sounded strong and confident in the sweeping, pop-rock ballad, “Sign of the Times.”

Sense of belongingness

Harry put the fans—many of whom arrived in feather boas and flamboyant outfits—at ease by bantering with them. In the occasional lulls, the charismatic singer-actor read out fan signs, including that of a woman who proposed marriage to him. “Very sneaky! But I feel like we should perhaps get to know each other first,” he quipped.

Another woman held a sign that read, “My boyfriend said he will propose if you duet with him.” And now that couple is probably—or hopefully—engaged, after Harry regaled their request and sang snippets of “Sign of the Times” with the boyfriend.

In the festive, gospel-inspired ditty “Treat People with Kindness,” Harry, a vocal supporter of the LGBTQ community, unfurled a pride flag and waved it onstage. On the floor, joyous fans draped in pride flags danced and shuffled in a conga line. In “Love of My Life,” he stressed his love for his Filipino fans, saying “Mahal ko kayo!” Deafening screams ensued.

The words “house” or “home” suggest the concept of family, a sense of belongingness. And Harry saw to it that he created an environment where everyone felt loved and welcome. “Please feel free to be whoever it is you always wanted to be in this room tonight,” said Harry, who described the opportunity to perform in the Philippines a “privilege.”

“You have been absolutely wonderful. Thank you for the warm welcome. It has been so nice here,” Harry said. “You have changed my life. It has been a privilege being with you tonight.” INQ

Olivia Wilde and Florence Pugh ‘avoided each other’ at a pre-Oscars bash following the rumoured on-set feud between the pair.

Director Wilde, 39, reportedly clashed with actress Pugh, 27, while filming Don’t Worry Darling in a drama filled production.

The pair were both at the Creative Artists Agency’s star-studded bash at Sunset Tower Hotel in Los Angeles on Friday night but were not seen together.

According to sources, the former co-workers did not greet each other or interact.

The party had countless A-list guests including Elton John, Leonardo DiCaprio, Demi Moore, Vin Diesel and Sandra Bullock.

Olivia and Florence’s snub comes after months of rumoured bad blood between them.

A source told Page Six they “definitely did not see them interact” at the pre-Oscars party.

The b ehind the scenes drama of Don’t Worry Darling became more of a talking point than the film itself.

According to Vulture, a source who worked on the film said Olivia and Florence suffered a “blowout argument” when the project was one third of the way through filming.

Florence grew frustrated by Olivia’s “frequent, unexplained absences” on set, despite her in the directing role.

Other drama surrounding the film came as allegations Olivia fired original star Shia LaBeouf, 36, and replacing him with Harry Styles .

Shia claimed he quit the project.

Olivia was in the process of splitting from fiancé and father of her two children, actor Jason Sudeikis, 47, when filming started in 2020.

Harry and Olivia stepped out as a couple in January 2021 when they attended a wedding together.

The Vulture source said: “Olivia and Harry would just disappear” – hinting the romance between Olivia and Harry which began during production could have been a source of frustration for Florence.

A source told PageSix: “I can tell you for a fact that Flo seeing Olivia and Harry all over each other on set did not go down well as Olivia was still with Jason when she first hooked up with Harry.”

Some reports have suggested the pair got together in January 2020 – while Olivia and Jason’s relationship was reported as over in November that year.

Olivia and Florence seemed to clash when footage emerged of Olivia in conversation with Shia and remarking: “I think this might be a bit of a wake-up call for Miss Flo.”

Florence then pulled out of promoting the film soon after the footage leaked – being absent from screenings at the Venice Film Festival and the New York premiere.

After an almost two-year relationship, Harry and Olivia have called it quits saying the split was a mutual decision.

Yet it has hit Olivia hard according to sources, as she was considering a move to London to be closer to the former One Direction star.

The Mirror has approached Olivia and Florence’s representatives for comment.