Simran Kaur is the co-founder of Girls That Invest, which offers commentary on personal investment, aimed at young people.
My partner and I have been arguing non-stop about how much to spend on our upcoming wedding. I’ve imagined having a somewhat extravagant celebration with all our relatives invited, as I come from a large family, while my partner prefers a more intimate and budget-friendly event. We can’t seem to find a middle ground, and the tension is starting to affect our relationship. What should we do to resolve this wedding spending dispute?
Planning a wedding can be an exciting and joyous time, but with the average Kiwi wedding costing over $30,000, it can also bring about disagreements and unwanted strain when it comes to budgeting.
After accounting for the cost of the venue and the cake, along with all those niggly things you don’t expect like makeup trials, celebrant fees and wedding favours, costs can really start to add up. Where do you draw the line?
READ MORE: My friends all earn more money than me – what should I do? What is the right way to pay off a student loan in New Zealand? It’s better to buy a house with a friend than a partner, right?
Pinpoint the priorities
Before you get into another heated debate on whether your uncle’s cousin’s son’s dog should be invited to the wedding or going back and forth on how much is reasonable to spend, first understand what you each value most.
The first step in finding a compromise is to understand and empathise with each other’s viewpoints. Take the time to communicate openly and honestly about your desires, expectations, and concerns regarding the wedding. By listening attentively to one another, you can gain insight into the underlying reasons behind your partner’s preferences, and what it is that they need the most.
You may be surprised that the number of guests isn’t as high on their list, maybe they value a nicer venue with fewer guests, or maybe the guest list takes priority and they’re willing to downgrade some of the entertainment packages to accommodate a bigger venue. It’s about finding what is important to each other first, and then allocating a budget to that.
Make sure no matter what, you’re not going into debt
Weddings can have a significant financial impact on couples and their future together. It’s essential to consider the long-term implications of wedding spending. According to a survey by The Knot, nearly 45% of couples said they went into debt to finance their weddings.
This debt can put a strain on newlyweds as they begin their lives together. Discussing these financial concerns openly can help you both make informed decisions. I’m not firm with a lot of financial planning opinions, but no one should be going into debt for a one-day affair. Your friends would more than happily celebrate in your backyard rather than watch you spend years trying to fight your way out of consumer debt.
Revisit your future goals
The memories from a wedding will last you a lifetime, but the event itself isn’t forever. Have a discussion with your partner about what increasing or decreasing your budget would mean for your future goals. You may want to bring up the wedding budget up by $20,000, or if you’re South Asian like myself, you may feel societal pressure to host a five-day event that runs you over $100,000. However, it’s easy to get lost in the numbers
Instead, try to put those figures into context. If you spend $30,000 instead of $60,000 where else can you allocate that extra cash? Is an extra $30,000 going to help you get to that house deposit faster, or would you prefer to invite more guests to a larger wedding venue?
What can you save money on
No matter what kind of wedding budget you’re working with, there are always numerous ways to have a beautiful and memorable celebration without breaking the bank.
Consider exploring cost-saving alternatives that still align with your vision. For instance, instead of a traditional wedding venue, you could opt for an Airbnb that allows for weddings. Choose off-peak dates and times. Saturdays and evenings tend to be the most expensive. Opting for seasonal and local flowers and limiting the menu selection are other ways to keep costs down while providing unique and charming settings.
When it comes to wedding planning and budgeting, it’s important to understand each other’s priorities, avoid going into debt, consider future goals, and explore cost-saving alternatives. By openly communicating, empathising with each other’s viewpoints, and making informed decisions, you can find a compromise that satisfies both partners and ensures a memorable wedding day without unnecessary financial strain. Remember, the true value of a wedding lies in the love and commitment shared between you and your partner, not the amount of money spent.